Learning and teaching

"I'm a big fan of people writing more openly and honestly about their lives like I've been doing recently. Maybe under a pseudonym or a Twitter alt, but telling people about the problems you face helps them realise it's not just them, and when they respond or when they pay it forward and talk about something else, maybe you'll get to realise it's not just you either, and you can compare notes."

The End of Women

"The optimal solution is to estimate how many people one believes one might reasonably date in the future, say 20? We plug this into the equation, where N = 20 and N/e ~ 7. This result says that, if one wants to maximize one’s probability of ending up with the best possible match, one should date 7 people and, then, marry the next person who is better than all of those men."

"there’s a modification to the solution that maximizes the probability of finding a high-value husband or wife. The strategy is the same except we use a cutoff of the square root of N rather than N/e. So if you believe you will have the opportunity to date roughly 20 people between 18 and 35 for example, you would (somewhat seriously) date 4.5 people and then marry the next one that’s better than anyone you’ve dated previously."

"People should be dating more people as the pool gets better and as the potential N we can date grows. As a result, people’s standards have risen with the growth in the number of potential partners they meet in a lifetime."

"When women had trouble lining up dates at all, they wouldn’t have strong filters on physical traits, but online the pool is infinite and therefore women must filter by something, because men want casual sex with women more than women do men."

"Online, women find that most of the men they swipe “yes” on they match with. Men are three times more likely to swipe right than women, selecting, on average, about 46 per cent of profiles, versus 14 per cent selected by women. This teaches women that their task is to match with the men who maximize the qualities the interface surfaces and then hope those men ask them out on dates."

"While having too many great matches to go on dates with might seem like a good problem, it trains women to select for qualities that are unlikely to result in a satisfying or positive dating experience."

"It will always be the female of the species role to select for the best genetic material and the highest likelihood of that offspring succeeding and the males job to attempt to mate with as many healthy females as possible."

"In 2013, OkCupid launched an app called Crazy Blind Date, which sent about 10,000 people on blind dates with no information about the other person. In a result that flabbergasted the founders, the two participants’ looks had almost no effect on whether they had a good time, even in cases in which one person was significantly more attractive, as measured by other online daters."

"You’re an 8 who is chasing after 10s being pursued by 6s."

"Rather than going on a date believing they have a role in creating a connection, they go on dates to see if they feel or felt a connection."

"As a result, the structure of modern online dating is a trap for women who want long-term commitment (that is, most women) because it teaches them to select for men who are good at dating."

"Attraction grows over time. The Spark is not a thing, and yet, women are becoming ever more reliant on men who can quickly engineer the feeling of connection."

"Many women say, “I would have never swiped right on my husband.”"

"Typically, a woman will give you three dates to feel a spark. Three dates is roughly equal to 5 - 10 hours spent together. Most quality men can’t engineer attraction fast enough and so when women don’t feel a spark they move onto the next match."

The false mystique of the top guy

"Scarcity has moved to the ability to make women feel."

"Women want peak experiences, peak feelings, strong emotions"

The Gamification of Life

"The moment we introduce a metric, a hierarchy develops. And the moment a hierarchy develops, a game is formed. Another uncomfortable truth is that social standing affects the way people talk to one another, and this dynamic bleeds into even the most self-aware minds. Influence is a hell of a drug, and metrics are its primary distributor."

After The Fact

"The typical American family is earning more than ever before. But for many it probably doesn’t feel like that – at least as much as it should – because all of the income gains and then some have been offset with higher spending."

"So a lot of people are the financial equivalent of the exerciser who burns 500 calories then immediately offsets it with dessert and is frustrated by the lack of progress despite working so hard."

"But all wealth relies on the ability to receive an extra dollar and say, “I could spend this, and spending feels great, but I’m not going to.” It’s the same as turning down a big meal after working out, and it’s just as hard. All great things are hard."

How technology can shape our lives — for the better

"The fact that more than 70 percent of U.S. adults are overweight or obese is not due to the individual moral failings of 200 million people. It is the result of many different industries, each individually optimizing our engagement for their particular goals, but lacking a coherent value system that prioritizes our overall well-being."

"We have created lifestyles that do not suit the species we have become."

"It would mean building a culture where people don’t have to think consciously about being healthy, but rather being healthy is a natural consequence of going about your day."

"Building health into the OS means consciously seeking to optimize our health and well-being through these new technologies that will reinvent transportation, the food experience, the work experience, urban planning, architecture, entertainment and more."

The only metric of success that really matters is the one we ignore

"And I spent my days focused on optimizing myself: Endlessly working and improving, on a permanent quest to do as much as possible in the unforgiving confines of 24 hours. It was the only way I knew how to be. Compete. Excel. Win."

"But after many nights in emergency rooms and too-long stays in hospitals, of watching my nieces slowly lose their father, I got a glimpse of what community looks like. It was the people who turned up before they were asked, to do things they didn’t have time to do. Neighbors who collected kids from school and came to hospitals to sit. Friends who stayed. Groups of people who materialized to make lunch for four kids for months because their parents couldn’t."

"Though I didn’t understand it at the time, I was lonely. I didn’t think it possible—I had friends, I had kids, I had no time. How could I be lonely?"

"The twist was that some pursued self-improvement goals such as getting a new job or making more money, while others tried spending more time with friends and family. A year later, she found those who focused on connecting more with others were happier than those who pursued self-improvement."

"The thing that makes us happiest in life is other people. And yet other people are often the first thing to fall off our list of priorities."

"Warren Buffett, a friend of Gates, says that his measure of success comes down to one question: “Do the people you care about love you back?”"

What are the myths associated with self improvement?

"When you’re a beginner, the best mentors are not the people who have dominated your field, the best mentors are the people who are on the same path as you but are slightly above you."

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